Eight Years

It is truly amazing how much healing has occurred in the past eight years.  Most of it was from the grace of God....but a large part of it has been from Turner, Emmaline, and William.  My hardest day of the year happens to be on Thanksgiving this year, and I have so much to be thankful for. 

"The crucial thing for us to remember is that all that God does for us as his children is for our good. He is blessed in both the giving and the taking away because both are for the sake of our joy.

Often it is in the taking away that our true love and trust are revealed, which is a great mercy to us and usually for others. And often, in this age, the most valuable, most satisfying, most beneficial, longest lasting gifts we receive and pass along to others end up coming through the experiences of our losses." -Jon Bloom

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

Seven Years in Heaven

We celebrated Thomas' birthday like we usually do and took balloons to the cemetery.  Emmaline was so proud when she shouted out "it's my brothers birthday!!" while picking out balloons at Party City!

I love that Turner and Emmaline understand their big brother's place in our family.  Over the past year (at different times) I've had to comfort each of them as they were crying because they "missed baby Thomas."

Thomas' birthday day was fun, but this day, his death day, is still hard for me.  It took seven years before I was able to work on his birthday, but I still need this day to myself.  Our life is crazy busy and wonderful, but once a year I let myself have this day to be sad.

"The Lord is close to the broken hearted, he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:18 NLT

Happy 6th Birthday, Thomas!

Happy 6th Birthday, Thomas!  Has it really been that long? In some ways it seems like forever ago, and in some ways the years have flown by.  We took balloons to the cemetery on Sunday and tonight we're going to have cupcakes.  Turner and Emmaline are excited to celebrate their brother!

"Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands."
- Isaiah 49:15-16 (NLT)

Five Years in Heaven

Today marks the fifth anniversary of Thomas' death.  While it is still a hard day, I am so grateful for how much healing the Lord has brought to my heart in the past five years.

Our church made this video about our story this past spring:

https://vimeo.com/162422920

At the time we had no idea William would soon be joining our family!  In the video I talk about seeing God's hand in the details of our story, and those little "details" have continued.  I love that ALL of my babies have November birthdays.  I won't have time for pity parties when we will be busy counting our blessings with birthday parties!  Even today, November 28th, was the day Turner and Emmaline were celebrating their birthday with their preschool class.  It was good for my heart to see their excitement and be happy for them today!

"He made us, and we are his.  We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, go into his courts with praise.
Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good.
His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation."
- Psalm 100:3-5 (NLT)

Happy Birthday Thomas!

We can't believe you would be FIVE today! We love you and miss you!

Baby William

We are so excited to announce the birth of our precious William Shepard Behm, born November 1st at 6:20am.  He weighed 7lb 15oz, and was 20.5" long.  He is such a joy! Turner and Emmaline are loving their new roles as big brother and big sister.  

We wondered who he would look like throughout the pregnancy.  He never was very cooperative with his ultrasounds!! Turner and Emmaline look so different, it was anyone's guess! He ended up looking most like his brother Thomas, which we weren't expecting! What a gift to be able to get glimpses of Thomas as we watch William grow up!

We are so grateful for this little blessing!

"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of."
-John 10:10 (The Message)

Four Years Later

It is hard to believe that four years have passed.   Today marks the end of Thomas' two week anniversary......and it brings with it sadness, sweet memories, and a sense of relief.  These two weeks are exhausting to me.  

We took Turner and Emmaline out to the cemetery on Thomas' birthday and again today.  They are so cute.....they shout "Baby Thomas!!" when we get there and run around giggling. (Meanwhile I'm cringing and hoping we don't offend anyone.)   They know their brother's name and point out pictures of him around the house....."baby Thomas......big brother."  It is precious. 

It is important to me that Turner and Emmaline know about their big brother.  His little life has impacted so many of us, and I'm so thankful for that.  I know I'm a different parent than I would have been otherwise.   I hope I'm a better mother.  I probably worry too much and take too many pictures, but I'm also more patient and grateful.  I think it has made me a better doctor and a more compassionate friend.   

I love tangible reminders of my son's life......pictures, hearing his name, his booties and stuffed owl in the nursery....even subtle things like realizing I would have responded to a situation differently "before" Thomas.  

God is truly able to use all things for our good and His glory.  

Colossians 1:10-12 (The Message)

"Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works.  We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard.  As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work.  We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul-- not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."