I can't believe its been over a month since I've written anything. Time has flown by. There are a few reasons for my lack of writing:
1) I don't really like to write
2) We've been busy
3) Our lives are not very exciting
I didn't think anyone would want to hear about how I wake up, go to work, and then catch up on notes each day until its time to go to bed. I would also be horrified if anyone knew that we were very content to stay home last weekend and watch the Ninja Warrior marathon on tv (don't judge until you've seen it- its addicting!) We have done a few fun things- we spent a weekend in Hilton Head with some of our best friends from Greenville, and we have had some good visits with family and friends. I am thankful for springtime- the blooming flowers, longer days, and beautiful weather have been good for my heart.
Sad moments creep up on us (and they always will), but we are able to smile, laugh, and get through each day.
I read this quote the other day, and I love it:
"Christ is building His kingdom with earth's broken things. Men want only the strong, the successful, the victorious, the unbroken, in building their kingdoms; but God is the God of the unsuccessful, of those who have failed. Heaven is filling with earth's broken lives, and there is no bruised reed that Christ cannot take and restore to glorious blessedness and beauty. He can take the life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it into a harp whose music shall be all praise. He can lift earth's saddest failure up to heaven's glory." (JR Miller in Streams in the Desert)
I had to read it a few times initially, and I have read it a few times a day since.
My heart is still broken, and that little piece belonging to Thomas will always be missing. God is using our hurt, our tears, and Thomas's broken little body. He is using Thomas's two weeks to help people see their blessings, be better parents, and trust His plan in good and bad times. He is healing our hearts, and He is making our story of sorrow and pain a beautiful one.
"Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked?" (Ecclesiastes 7:13 NLT)
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11 TNIV)
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Overwhelmed
If I had to sum up how I've been feeling over the past two weeks, it would be "overwhelmed."
It is definitely winter at work even though it has been 75 degrees outside. I enjoy it, but it means late nights and busy weekends. As crazy as it can be, I have always handled it pretty well in the past. After all, it is just a season. Now, in the context of grieving Thomas, some days it just seems to be too much. Life in general is busy and I find it much more exhausting than ever before. I haven't been able to get back into a routine or rhythm.
It has left precious little quiet time just for me. In the first few weeks after Thomas died, I was afraid to be alone and still. That was when my mind floated back to images I didn't want to remember, what-if's, and what-now's. Now I crave that quiet, alone time. It gives me a chance to remember, grieve, and heal. It gives me a chance to pray and draw closer to Jesus, the source of strength and healing. I have found that I need that time every day. My tears are always just under the surface. If I miss that time they just build up, and I find myself feeling frenzied and overwhelmed.
I am learning that scheduling my "me time" is more important than most of the household tasks I have hanging over my head. The ironing pile isn't going anywhere, the mail pile on the counter can wait, and my husband isn't starving thanks to the generous stash of casseroles in our freezer.
Our grief is still fresh. Like winter, I know that this is a season too. I am often reminded how I felt on December 4th.....everything seems just like it was before Thomas, only nothing is the same. I'm still figuring out my new normal. I don't just crave that quiet time, I need it to restore my soul.
I love this verse from In the Secret of His Presence by Sandra McCracken, written by Ellen Goreh:
"Only this I know: I tell Him
All my doubts, my griefs, and fears;
Oh, how patiently He listens!
And my sorrowed soul He cheers."
Here's the whole song:
"The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring."(Isaiah 58:11 NLT)
It is definitely winter at work even though it has been 75 degrees outside. I enjoy it, but it means late nights and busy weekends. As crazy as it can be, I have always handled it pretty well in the past. After all, it is just a season. Now, in the context of grieving Thomas, some days it just seems to be too much. Life in general is busy and I find it much more exhausting than ever before. I haven't been able to get back into a routine or rhythm.
It has left precious little quiet time just for me. In the first few weeks after Thomas died, I was afraid to be alone and still. That was when my mind floated back to images I didn't want to remember, what-if's, and what-now's. Now I crave that quiet, alone time. It gives me a chance to remember, grieve, and heal. It gives me a chance to pray and draw closer to Jesus, the source of strength and healing. I have found that I need that time every day. My tears are always just under the surface. If I miss that time they just build up, and I find myself feeling frenzied and overwhelmed.
I am learning that scheduling my "me time" is more important than most of the household tasks I have hanging over my head. The ironing pile isn't going anywhere, the mail pile on the counter can wait, and my husband isn't starving thanks to the generous stash of casseroles in our freezer.
Our grief is still fresh. Like winter, I know that this is a season too. I am often reminded how I felt on December 4th.....everything seems just like it was before Thomas, only nothing is the same. I'm still figuring out my new normal. I don't just crave that quiet time, I need it to restore my soul.
I love this verse from In the Secret of His Presence by Sandra McCracken, written by Ellen Goreh:
"Only this I know: I tell Him
All my doubts, my griefs, and fears;
Oh, how patiently He listens!
And my sorrowed soul He cheers."
Here's the whole song:
"The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring."(Isaiah 58:11 NLT)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Tough Week
This past week has been a hard one for me.
I've been more sad than usual. My heart has been heavy, and I've felt that knot in my stomach that I had the whole time Thomas was in the hospital.
Thomas would have been two months old yesterday. He would be smiling, cooing, and laughing by now, and I'm sad I won't get to see that. I think each of these little "birthdays" are going to be hard for me. All of the two month olds are coming in for their checkups now, too. While I love seeing them, it is hard as well. As time goes by it will get easier, and this little group of babies born around Thomas's birthday will always be special to me.
Being back at work has been good for me, for the most part. I love my job, and I have missed my patients and coworkers. It has also been a good distraction, as our house just seems too quiet. Most people know about Thomas, and they have been sweet about giving me a hug or telling me they've been thinking about me. Of course there have been a few awkward encounters where people didn't know and have excitedly shouted out "Congratulations!" when they saw me. I usually cry as I tell them about him, and they cry with me. I am grateful for every acknowledgement of my baby's life. I appreciate that they care enough to congratulate me and care enough to cry with me.
Being back at work has also been draining, though. I'm out of the habit of long days, and am slowly getting used to it again. While I love talking about Thomas, I have to do it about thirty times a day. Its often hard to keep myself together, keep my head clear, and focus on work. I've realized I need to block out time for myself at night and on the weekends to just let myself be sad.
Yesterday and today I went out to the cemetery and just sat and cried and prayed. The weather was beautiful, and the cemetery was so peaceful. The sun was shining on the water, the birds were singing, and the wind was blowing through the giant oaks covered with Spanish moss.
I miss my little buddy.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. " Psalm 56:8
I've been more sad than usual. My heart has been heavy, and I've felt that knot in my stomach that I had the whole time Thomas was in the hospital.
Thomas would have been two months old yesterday. He would be smiling, cooing, and laughing by now, and I'm sad I won't get to see that. I think each of these little "birthdays" are going to be hard for me. All of the two month olds are coming in for their checkups now, too. While I love seeing them, it is hard as well. As time goes by it will get easier, and this little group of babies born around Thomas's birthday will always be special to me.
Being back at work has been good for me, for the most part. I love my job, and I have missed my patients and coworkers. It has also been a good distraction, as our house just seems too quiet. Most people know about Thomas, and they have been sweet about giving me a hug or telling me they've been thinking about me. Of course there have been a few awkward encounters where people didn't know and have excitedly shouted out "Congratulations!" when they saw me. I usually cry as I tell them about him, and they cry with me. I am grateful for every acknowledgement of my baby's life. I appreciate that they care enough to congratulate me and care enough to cry with me.
Being back at work has also been draining, though. I'm out of the habit of long days, and am slowly getting used to it again. While I love talking about Thomas, I have to do it about thirty times a day. Its often hard to keep myself together, keep my head clear, and focus on work. I've realized I need to block out time for myself at night and on the weekends to just let myself be sad.
Yesterday and today I went out to the cemetery and just sat and cried and prayed. The weather was beautiful, and the cemetery was so peaceful. The sun was shining on the water, the birds were singing, and the wind was blowing through the giant oaks covered with Spanish moss.
I miss my little buddy.
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. " Psalm 56:8
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Thoughts on 2011
2011 has changed our family forever.
We had Thomas for 41 weeks last year. I carried him for 39 weeks, and we were able to love on him for fourteen days. We experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows through our sweet baby, and we will never be the same.
I have always heard "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4 NIV), but I have never really understood what it meant. Now I think I am starting to get it.
The Message version of the same verse says this: "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."
According to the cliff notes in my Life Application Bible, "'Blessed' means more than happiness...'blessed' means the experience of hope and joy, independent of outward circumstances."
I wish things had happened differently with Thomas. I wish more than anything that he was still here. Losing Thomas hurts, and I will miss him every day for the rest of my life.
While these awful circumstances could have left us bitter, miserable, and ruined.....they haven't.
We are grateful to have been given that time with Thomas. Through God's grace we have been able to experience hope and joy in the midst of our crisis. The Lord has bound my heart to His like never before over the past six months. We are already noticing some healing in our hearts, and we are hopeful that 2012 will bring more of that. We are looking forward to what the new year holds.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you."(James 4:8 NIV)
We had Thomas for 41 weeks last year. I carried him for 39 weeks, and we were able to love on him for fourteen days. We experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows through our sweet baby, and we will never be the same.
I have always heard "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4 NIV), but I have never really understood what it meant. Now I think I am starting to get it.
The Message version of the same verse says this: "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you."
According to the cliff notes in my Life Application Bible, "'Blessed' means more than happiness...'blessed' means the experience of hope and joy, independent of outward circumstances."
I wish things had happened differently with Thomas. I wish more than anything that he was still here. Losing Thomas hurts, and I will miss him every day for the rest of my life.
While these awful circumstances could have left us bitter, miserable, and ruined.....they haven't.
We are grateful to have been given that time with Thomas. Through God's grace we have been able to experience hope and joy in the midst of our crisis. The Lord has bound my heart to His like never before over the past six months. We are already noticing some healing in our hearts, and we are hopeful that 2012 will bring more of that. We are looking forward to what the new year holds.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you."(James 4:8 NIV)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Thomas Allen Behm
Thomas Allen Behm, infant son of Thomas and Melissa Behm, was born November 14th, 2011, and died November 28th, 2011. Thomas was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. He fought for two weeks, and is now perfectly healed in heaven. The story of his life can be found at www.weheartthomas.blogspot.com.
He is survived by his maternal grandparents, Monty and Cecilia Allen of Savannah, paternal grandparents, Linda Behm of North Augusta, SC, and Mike and Eileen Behm of Geneva, OH, and paternal great-grandmother Betty Behm of Madison, OH. He is also survived by many aunts, uncles, and cousins.
A graveside service celebrating Thomas’s life will be held Saturday, December 3rd, 2011, at 11am at Bonaventure Cemetery in Savannah. Friends and family are invited to the Allen residence, 337 E. 45th Street, following the service for visitation.
Remembrances in Thomas’s memory can be made to Savannah Christian Church, 55 Al Henderson Blvd, Savannah, GA 31419, or Young Life of Savannah, PO Box 14456, Savannah, GA 31416.
What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord.....when they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains. (Psalm 84:5-6 NLT)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thomas is Healed
We started this blog to share our journey to heal Thomas's heart.
His heart is now whole, and we must begin the process of healing our own broken hearts.
Dear Thomas,
You are now perfectly healed and safe in the arms of Jesus.
You are so precious, and so loved. We wanted you so badly, and were so excited for you. We are so thankful for the fourteen days we had with you. They were such a blessing....such a gift. You were such a little fighter. You taught us to take nothing for granted. You brought us to our knees in prayer and closer to God. Those fourteen days were so hard, but so wonderful because they were with you. We wouldn't trade them for anything.
You will never know pain or fear, and what you are experiencing now is more wonderful than we can imagine. We are thankful for the promise that we will see you and hold you again in heaven.
While our arms are empty, we know you are being held by someone who loves you more than we do. Your daddy and I are being comforted by a God who knows what it is like to lose a son....only He gave His Son freely for us, and for you my sweet baby.
You were fearfully and wonderfully made, and God knew each of the days of your life before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:14, 16 NIV). We are so thankful that God made you for us, and trusted you with us. You touched more people in your two weeks than most people do in their whole lives. We are so proud of you, and so proud to be your parents. We know that our suffering was not in vain. Your precious life will live on in our hearts, and in the hearts of so many others. You are leaving quite a legacy.
Our lives will never be the same because of the time we spent with you, sweet Thomas. We miss you so much already.
We'll love you forever, we'll like you for always....as long as we're living, our baby you'll be!
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
(2 Timothy 4:7 NIV)
His heart is now whole, and we must begin the process of healing our own broken hearts.
Dear Thomas,
You are now perfectly healed and safe in the arms of Jesus.
You are so precious, and so loved. We wanted you so badly, and were so excited for you. We are so thankful for the fourteen days we had with you. They were such a blessing....such a gift. You were such a little fighter. You taught us to take nothing for granted. You brought us to our knees in prayer and closer to God. Those fourteen days were so hard, but so wonderful because they were with you. We wouldn't trade them for anything.
You will never know pain or fear, and what you are experiencing now is more wonderful than we can imagine. We are thankful for the promise that we will see you and hold you again in heaven.
While our arms are empty, we know you are being held by someone who loves you more than we do. Your daddy and I are being comforted by a God who knows what it is like to lose a son....only He gave His Son freely for us, and for you my sweet baby.
You were fearfully and wonderfully made, and God knew each of the days of your life before one of them came to be (Psalm 139:14, 16 NIV). We are so thankful that God made you for us, and trusted you with us. You touched more people in your two weeks than most people do in their whole lives. We are so proud of you, and so proud to be your parents. We know that our suffering was not in vain. Your precious life will live on in our hearts, and in the hearts of so many others. You are leaving quite a legacy.
Our lives will never be the same because of the time we spent with you, sweet Thomas. We miss you so much already.
We'll love you forever, we'll like you for always....as long as we're living, our baby you'll be!
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
(2 Timothy 4:7 NIV)
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