I am writing this post sitting in the chair in Thomas's nursery with his little owl. Even though he never came home to this room, I feel closer to him in here...probably because I would sit here and talk to him and pray for him when I was pregnant.
I miss Thomas. I miss him so much that it hurts. At times I will be so overcome with grief I will feel lightheaded and short of breath.
If I were to give in to my feelings, I would likely be in bed with the covers over my head for the rest of my life. Instead, I am allowing myself moments to be sad, but am trying to move forward.
I know God made Thomas for a purpose, and gave him to me for a reason.
I also know that He took him away after only 14 days for a purpose.
I don't understand why his life was so short, but I do know I am thankful for those two weeks with Thomas.
I am so grateful that he is healthy in heaven, and is waiting for me there.
It's not going to take away the pain, but the promise of heaven and knowing that my baby is part of a bigger plan make it possible to wake up each day and put one foot in front of the other.
"Hope is symbolized in Christian iconography by an anchor. And what does an anchor do? It keeps the ship on course when wind and waves rage against it. But the anchor of hope is sunk in heaven, not on earth." Gregory Floyd (A Grief Unveiled)
"Faith is to believe what we do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what we believe."
St. Augustine
We just finished praying for you once again! Love you and thinking of you so often... We keep praying each day gets a little easier than the one before but know it will take time for God to heal your hearts. Keep clinging to the hope you have in Christ; hold on dearly to that anchor and let Him fill you with peace in the midst of this time. Sending more hugs and hoping I can deliver them in person again soon! Love you and miss you sweet friends!
ReplyDeleteBecca
We just finished praying for you once again! Love you and thinking of you so often... We keep praying each day gets a little easier than the one before but know it will take time for God to heal your hearts. Keep clinging to the hope you have in Christ; hold on dearly to that anchor and let Him fill you with peace in the midst of this time. Sending more hugs and hoping I can deliver them in person again soon! Love you and miss you sweet friends!
ReplyDeleteBecca
Think of you guys everyday and am glad that in the difficult time you have kept God in your heart..
ReplyDeleteMelissa and TJ, I continue to pray for you and for Thomas and think about you often. I hope that everyday that passes brings you a little more peace. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI think of you and Thomas everyday. You're always in our prayers. We love you!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if there is anything children want more than for their mother to be happy. You've amazed me since the beginning with your ability to get out of bed everyday. I wish you continued strength on the journey to happiness--for Thomas's sake.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your pain, I have never experienced it. I feel so very sad for you, Melissa.Your blogs have moved me to tears. You have got to be the strongest person I have ever met. Your feelings are so real to each and every one of us. You are a beautiful person and a wonderful writer. I pray for you and TJ daily. Thank you that you shared your precious baby Thomas with us.
ReplyDeleteCarla Nesbitt
Melissa, I think of you all the time. As I read this, I hurt for you and I am simultaneously in awe of you. I have never had to even conceive of this type of grief. Thomas' life, although entirely too short, has made a deep impact on so many people. The sacrifice and shortness of breath you feel is unfair, the loss of Thomas...it's scream-it-from-the-rooftops unfair. Your strength and willingness to share during this time is amazing. When I am concerned with trifles, your posts frequently appear, and present a strength that shames my little worries. My faith in God has sometimes been questioned as I have watched undeserving people suffer, and seen loss like you have experienced. It doesn't make sense. But when I see someone like you turn to God in the midst of immense grief... I see God's grace. You are incredible. You are an example of God's grace and peace. You are strong. You are a blessing. And I have no doubts that your faith and strength is going to lead you through this unimaginable time. Thank you for writing. You will never leave our thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteBeen thinking of you guys constantly, daily, and continue to pray for you. Love and hugs to you both...
ReplyDeleteI have been in constant prayer for you and TJ over the past couple of weeks. As my heart has ached for you I have found great comfort in knowing that our God can guide you through this with sufficient grace. Sweet Thomas had such an impact in the King household and in the hearts of our children and I know that you guys will never know just how far his impact on this world will span. All I do know is that Thomas still comes up in conversation regularly around here which leads to dialogue ranging from a 4-year-old level up to a 12-year-old level. Just wanted to share with you that God has revealed himself in a very emotional and real way in our home through Thomas and his precious 2 weeks here. I love you dearly and will continue to pray for you as the months and years go by. I can't wait to meet Thomas in Heaven one day-I'm sure he is as precious as his mommy. {{HUGS}} are coming your way. Love ya, Stephanie King
ReplyDeleteAS I have had you and TJ on my heart, I knew that this was going to be the hardest thing u will ever endure-- YOUR faith is in the right place and grieving is part of the healing process. I pray the hands of GOD through the HOLY SPIRIT will comfort u and TJ EVERY day. NOT a day goes by that i do not think of u and hurt for what u are going through- I then ASK God to be with my sweet friend and love her and her husband -- I love u and STAY the course!!
ReplyDeleteGod is holding you so close. You may not feel it, but He is. Your words, your spirit, your transparency is a gift to others who need to hear and read it. You are remembering Thomas is the most beautiful way. You are honoring him. I know I have never met you personally. ( your Dad was my husband's dentist growing up) but I feel honored to know another woman of God who can share her honest heart.
ReplyDeleteGod loves you and TJ so much. Yes, He does. It may not feel like it right now, but He does.
Hold tight to the truth, allow yourself crying moments, then hold closet those around you that will keep you close to Jesus.
I live in the Savannah area if you ever want to get together. I mean it...I am here!
Katie
Karen and I pray for you daily. It's good that you know that Thomas is whole in Heaven. - Hank
ReplyDeleteYour faith and grace continue to amaze me! I feel so blessed to even know you and especially to have you as my children's pediatrician. It is true...you will never know how many lives your little Thomas has touched!! I pray for you all daily and hope that God will continue to bring you peace until your family is whole again in Heaven!!
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ReplyDeleteThinking of and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Dana Putnam Burkhart
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for strength for you. I know its hard to face the day. Continue to have a thankful spirit- it will do wonders.
Tipi Miller
Dr. Behm,
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you and your husband. Hebrews 11:1 says "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Thank you for being an example of great faith! ~lm
Thinking of you always. I don't know if this will provide any comfort, but for what it is worth, this is a link to my company's blog - and specifically to a post written by our chaplain about grieving over the holidays. http://blog.thagroup.org/2011/12/20/coping-with-grief-during-holidays/
ReplyDeleteYou're in my heart.
May God continue to hold you close as you journey through your grief!
ReplyDeleteMichele Reeves ~ Simpsonville, SC
We are still praying for you everyday! I can't even imagine the emotions you are going through. And at this time of year it has to be even harder. I continue to be amazed by your unwaivering faith throughtout all you have been through. You are an inspiration. I hope and pray for you everyday that you will get the peace you need to handle this grief.
ReplyDeleteYour faith is amazing and has made an impact on so many lives, including ours. Your sharing the most intimate details of your struggles has done amazing things for all who read your posts. We love you and think of you, TJ, and your families daily.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Robin Thompson (Jed & Charlotte)
I think of you most every day and know it must seem there are no limits to the pain you feel. We are praying for you and hope you will be comforted in knowing that you are surrounded by people who love you. We will continue to lift you up in prayer. Love, India and John
ReplyDeletewe have not stopped praying for your family... as a mom with three babies in heaven who i never got to hold, i know a little of the pain you are going through (although I'm sure its harder the longer you have them with you!)... once the cards and meals have stopped, the pain is still there, and i'm not sure its ever supposed to "go away"--for me it is a tangible reminder that this is not how it will always be! One day there will be no more pain, no more death, no more night... one day we will all be together--with all of our children! Praise God for the wonderful sacrifice of HIS son to make that possible! We are praying for you constantly. much love and thank you for the amazing testimony of faith you have shown so many.
ReplyDeleteRachael Grant
Thinking of you often and hoping that your Christmas will be special.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your family today. May God grant you strength and peace.
ReplyDeleteThe Lambros family