Monday, November 28, 2016

Five Years in Heaven

Today marks the fifth anniversary of Thomas' death.  While it is still a hard day, I am so grateful for how much healing the Lord has brought to my heart in the past five years.

Our church made this video about our story this past spring:

At the time we had no idea William would soon be joining our family!  In the video I talk about seeing God's hand in the details of our story, and those little "details" have continued.  I love that ALL of my babies have November birthdays.  I won't have time for pity parties when we will be busy counting our blessings with birthday parties!  Even today, November 28th, was the day Turner and Emmaline were celebrating their birthday with their preschool class.  It was good for my heart to see their excitement and be happy for them today!

"He made us, and we are his.  We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, go into his courts with praise.
Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good.
His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation."
- Psalm 100:3-5 (NLT)

Monday, November 14, 2016

Happy Birthday Thomas!

We can't believe you would be FIVE today! We love you and miss you!

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Baby William

We are so excited to announce the birth of our precious William Shepard Behm, born November 1st at 6:20am.  He weighed 7lb 15oz, and was 20.5" long.  He is such a joy! Turner and Emmaline are loving their new roles as big brother and big sister.  

We wondered who he would look like throughout the pregnancy.  He never was very cooperative with his ultrasounds!! Turner and Emmaline look so different, it was anyone's guess! He ended up looking most like his brother Thomas, which we weren't expecting! What a gift to be able to get glimpses of Thomas as we watch William grow up!

We are so grateful for this little blessing!

"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of."
-John 10:10 (The Message)

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Four Years Later

It is hard to believe that four years have passed.   Today marks the end of Thomas' two week anniversary......and it brings with it sadness, sweet memories, and a sense of relief.  These two weeks are exhausting to me.  

We took Turner and Emmaline out to the cemetery on Thomas' birthday and again today.  They are so cute.....they shout "Baby Thomas!!" when we get there and run around giggling. (Meanwhile I'm cringing and hoping we don't offend anyone.)   They know their brother's name and point out pictures of him around the house....."baby Thomas......big brother."  It is precious. 

It is important to me that Turner and Emmaline know about their big brother.  His little life has impacted so many of us, and I'm so thankful for that.  I know I'm a different parent than I would have been otherwise.   I hope I'm a better mother.  I probably worry too much and take too many pictures, but I'm also more patient and grateful.  I think it has made me a better doctor and a more compassionate friend.   

I love tangible reminders of my son's, hearing his name, his booties and stuffed owl in the nursery....even subtle things like realizing I would have responded to a situation differently "before" Thomas.  

God is truly able to use all things for our good and His glory.  

Colossians 1:10-12 (The Message)
"Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven't stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works.  We pray that you'll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard.  As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work.  We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul-- not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."

Friday, November 14, 2014

Happy 3rd Birthday Thomas!

The first two years after Thomas died went by painfully slowly.  This past year, though,  has been a wonderful blur. I can't believe Thomas would have been three years old today!

Would he love Spiderman and superheroes? Or trains or dinosaurs?  What a joy it would have been to watch him grow up!

I'm so grateful to catch glimpses of Thomas in his little brother and sister.  I know they would have loved him.

"But we are looking forward to the new heavens and new earth he has promised, a world filled with God's righteousness."  2 Peter 3:13 NLT

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Six Months

I feel like I blinked and now the babies are six months old!

They are such a joy, and we are having so much fun!   They were definitely worth the wait.  They have been really good, happy babies, and I am so grateful!

I try to take pictures on their "birthday" each month- so here is a long overdue update:

One month:

Two months:

Three months:

Four months:

Five months:

Six months:

Shortly after we lost Thomas, I became friends with a woman in Atlanta who had lost her son to congenital heart disease, too.  She has been, and still is, a source of wisdom and encouragement to me! I remember telling her how helpful it was to see someone "on the other side" of grief who was doing ok.  She responded by saying they were "so much better than ok." It was hard to even imagine that at the time.  I know several people who have lost babies recently, and I hope our story can be an encouragement to them as well.    By the grace of God, we are also so much better than ok!

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." 
Romans 15:13 NLT

Sunday, December 15, 2013

November 28th- Two Years Later

God has an amazing way of redeeming things, and He is redeeming our story down to the smallest details.  His goodness and faithfulness have been so obvious over the past two years, and November 28th, 2013 was the ultimate example.

Thomas died two years ago on November 28th. This year, November 28th was Thanksgiving day, and we were able to bring our precious Turner and Emmaline home from the hospital!  Last time we left the hospital empty handed, and this time we left with our hearts and hands full to overflowing.   We did stop by the cemetery on the way home so the babies could visit their big brother.

I never in a million years would have guessed that this was the plan for us.  Even the details of the timing are just too much to take in. My heart is so full with gratitude to God for Turner and Emmaline that it might burst.  They are such a joy.  Each time I wake up and see them in their little bassinets I just have to pinch myself.  We have TWO babies at home! It is truly more than we could have asked or imagined.

"We tend, however, to divide our past into good things to remember with gratitude and painful things to accept or forget.  This way of thinking, which at first glance seems quite natural, prevents us from allowing our whole past to be the source from which we live our future.  It locks us into a self-involved focus on our gain or comfort.  It becomes a way to categorize, and in a way, control.  Such an outlook becomes another attempt to avoid facing our suffering.  Once we accept this division, we develop a mentality in which we hope to collect more good memories than bad memories, more things to be glad about than things to be resentful about, more things to celebrate than to complain about.  Gratitude in its deepest sense means to live life as a gift to be received thankfully.  And true gratitude embraces all of life: the good and the bad, the joyful and the painful, the holy and the not-so-holy.  We do this because we become aware of God's life, God's presence in the middle of all that happens."
(Henri Nouwen, Turn my Mourning into Dancing)

"For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls us gently to stand, and invites us to dance.  We find the way to pray, as the psalmist did, "You have turned my mourning into dancing" (Psalm 30:11), because at the center of our grief we find the grace of God. "(Henri Nouwen, Turn my Mourning into Dancing)