It is hard to believe that I held your little hand for the last time two months ago tonight. It was also the first time I got to bathe you, dress you, and hold you without wires and tubes.
I have never been so scared in my life as I was that night, Thomas. I couldn't believe it was happening. The doctors and nurses working on you were able to fix just about anything....but they couldn't fix you. They couldn't bring you back.
Looking back on that night, I now understand why. God gave you to us for fourteen days. Those days were written before you were born. It was your time to go, despite the doctors and nurses who worked so hard to save you. It seems like it may have been easier if we'd known we would only have you for two weeks. It was painful to lose you, and to lose the hopes and dreams we had for you.
It is so hard to think about that last night, Thomas. I usually can't think or talk about it without crying. I have to remind myself that you don't remember it like I do. The most traumatic night of my life was your first night in heaven. It was a beautiful night for you, and I am so thankful for that.
You are part of a bigger story, Thomas. God has redeemed your two weeks, your broken body, your life-cut-short. He is also redeeming our own hurt, sorrow, and tears. He is showing us over and over again that He is good, and faithful, and true to his word.
Losing you has put our broken world into perspective for me. This isn't how God intended it to be....babies aren't supposed to die. We are anxiously waiting for the day when things will be made right again.
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." (Revelation 21:4 NLT)
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NLT)